She had clothes in the dryer...her pantyhose hanging to dry....a cutting board on the counter with onions...her nightgown thrown off on her bed...her Jeep was in the driveway, but she was no longer there.
Her answering machine had messages from all her children, at first bright and cheery, and then becoming concerned as she did not call anyone back. ESPN was playing on the tv right by her bed....the ball game long over.
We are coming up on the one year anniversary of my Mother's death, and I am still numb...I still have her number on my cell phone...I dream of her sometimes. I miss her profoundly.
Sometimes, like this morning, I need to sift through the memories of what it was like...still in disbelief...still wanting to imagine her doing fine in her sweet house with the "Mother Mulberry" tree in the backyard. Yet, reality comes to roost and I feel devastated once more.
The most poignant moment of my life thus far, was following the black hearse that contained my Mother's body.
Her answering machine had messages from all her children, at first bright and cheery, and then becoming concerned as she did not call anyone back. ESPN was playing on the tv right by her bed....the ball game long over.
We are coming up on the one year anniversary of my Mother's death, and I am still numb...I still have her number on my cell phone...I dream of her sometimes. I miss her profoundly.
Sometimes, like this morning, I need to sift through the memories of what it was like...still in disbelief...still wanting to imagine her doing fine in her sweet house with the "Mother Mulberry" tree in the backyard. Yet, reality comes to roost and I feel devastated once more.
The most poignant moment of my life thus far, was following the black hearse that contained my Mother's body.
2 comments:
Ah Maria, I definitely know what you are feeling. My Mom passed away in 2001 after a brief 15 day stay in the ICU with pneumonia. Her cigarette smoke diseased lungs just couldn't take it any longer. She actually died of carbon monoxide poisoning after the breathing tube was removed. We had left her room to run home and shower only to walk in with the phone ringing. She died right after we left. I honestly think she waited until we had left the room. I'll never forget watching her deteriorate over a two day period after the tube was removed. It was a steady decline. We literally watched her die, little by little. She was only 63.
I miss her everyday and wish I could just pick up the phone and call her and share with her all the trials and tribulations of life here in Atlanta. I always kept her in stitches with our daily phone conversations.
I am certain, though, that my Mom is proud of my volunteer work with the Greyhounds and definitely of our Greymates calendar. I believe your Mom is definitely feeling the same!
I'm in tears here at my work desk as I write this but rest assured that it does get easier as time goes by. The emptiness of that lost relationship never completely subsides though. Mothers seem to have that lasting impression on their daughters.
Patti
I lost my father suddenly at 23. He died in his sleep while we were attending my cousin's wedding. He was 54 years old. That was 9 years ago. And while it is true what they say about time healing wounds, it doesn't make you miss them less.
Post a Comment