Did someone say barbeque????

ARGHHH.

ASK FOR HELP. This is a hard one for me. I am like the perpetual 2 year old screaming, "I DO IT, I DO IT!!!!" But, whaddya' know...asking for help helps people relate to you. But what happens when a person asks and asks and asks different people for help and it feels like spinning the rear wheels on a Miata in the dead of winter in 10 feet of snow? Not really any positive reinforcement there.

So, I think I will feel better if I find a really hard brick wall and bang my head for awhile......

Boom. Part II-Inner Dialogue

EGO: ID? Are you there ID? It's me EGO.

SUPEREGO: What do you think you're doing? You can't call up ID. We buried ID a long time ago, remember?

EGO: Right...you always have to be right. Look, I need to talk to ID because we are facing an unknown experience and it involves some primal shit, ok?

SUPEREGO: Language!!

EGO: ID, if you can hear me...do you like guns? Violence? Blood? Boom-boom?

ID (from far away): Me like food. Want icecream.

EGO (validating): I know you do, ID...maybe after you answer some questions? Get icecream?

ID: Me like smoke.

SUPEREGO: Oh for Pete's sake. Do we have to do this? We have homework to do...and we need to get started now if it's going to be perfect. Our education is everything and we have spent a lot of money....

EGO: Look, Super....can you go smoke a cigarette? This will just take a minute. And I know, studies have shown that smoking is bad for our health.....

ID: Me tired. Me like bed.

EGO: ID, hang on a minute....look, I'm sorry I've repressed you all these years...but you might be interested in this...I know you're pretty good at anger and upping blood pressure...you know fight or flight...I need you to weigh in on this

ID: Me choose anger... then run like hell... then be mad all over again....no fight...that Superego then take that and beat you up.

EGO: Yep. Look ID, can you stay awake for awhile and near the surface?

ID: Icecream.
ID: And....Gun mean penis.

Boom. Part I...

Nothing prepares a novice for the sheer sensual assault brought on by a gun range. Auditory violence...even with ear protection....fear/adrenaline response with each witnessed round of fire...the flash of fire exploding from the muzzle....shell casings popping...paper targets mortally wounded. Boyfriends and girlfriends on a date going round after round...laughing, happy. Loaded guns being discharged over and over and over. (cue accelerated heartbeat audio proceeding to flat line sound).-------------------------------

Yesterday I attended and graduated from a gun safety class. Since I am minor-ing in Criminal Justice, yet have no real experience of guns, this was research pure and simple....if I'm going to form hypothesis (hypotheses?) and conduct studies, well it makes sense, right? Personal experience in science is okay, but prone to bias. For me, personal experience is necessary if I'm going to open my mouth to say anything.

Prior to this class, my only experience with guns was a date with Hub at a range. Again I was operating on a knowledge is power (read killer of fear)principle. He has a .22 Beretta. He is a good teacher. I left the experience knowing NOT to wear a V-neck sweater as hot casings fly out of the gun and can end up in your bra. Who knew? Not I. I had no idea that flying casings happened. I never noticed them on those tv shows.

Appropriately attired in a buttoned up henley, jeans and leather boots, I opened the door and walked into class. Of course I had done some research about women and guns and knew that I wanted to fire a Ruger revolver as well as a baby Glock. These two guns were supposedly "manageable" and "a good place to start". The class was a great mix of people from all walks of life, including an impressive representation of women over 50...over 60. I can handle classroom...Majoring in psychology and with a past in journalism, people and content and perception and motivation are my thing. Why are you attending this class? Have you ever fired a gun? Why do you own a gun? What does it mean to own a gun? Do you think you would use it? What about accidental/unintentional death of say, a loved one? Etc. etc. It is easy for me to hide behind my intellect and genuine curiousity about most things in life.

Our instructor was a retired Marine who had seen combat in four wars. He served as a sniper. He was brilliant and funny and compassionate...how could this be? He definitely knew his stuff and knew how to teach, but as I sat in my chair I wondered about his demons and how he is able to reconcile his past with the present. Did his past experience enhance his interest and apparent love of people and guns? I thought that it made people callous and sometimes paranoid and sometimes crazy. So much for not having a bias? He was kind and gentle and serious and funny. I saw him place his hand on older women's shoulders....yet there was no double standard...no innuendo...no good ol' boys attitude....just a steadying hand and encouragement and teaching. I could sense a locked box behind his eyes, but it did not affect him or us. The only measurable link was his tendency to say "as you were". As a professor told me, in psychology, intuition to empirical. Assumptions mean nothing. Data is everything. Ok. As we were....

Alternate Uses for Icepicks.

Lobotomies. Yes. My lovely education includes learning about Dr. Freeman and his frontal lobotomies using an icepick. First he would shock his patient into unconsciousness, then a little tap tap on the icepick with a hammer through the orbital socket, wiggle around and voila...that combative patient was nice and docile. Ahh. Ice pick lobotomies were recommended for house wives that were bored with housework. It was said to make their housework responsibilities more tolerable. I guess so.

Fortunately, with the introduction of thorazine, "the chemical lobotomy", ice picks fell out of favor. So I had to pass this along. AND, if you're still curious, you can look on YouTube and watch Dr. Freeman and this procedure. Oh, you're welcome. LOL.

The Dog with a Big Heart

My bete noir (black beast) has been diagnosed with an enlarged heart. I always knew she was sweet....
Almost unheard of in the greyhound species, an ultrasound confirmed a heart murmur with enlargement of the left ventricle. As a breed, greyhounds tend to have larger hearts, as the heart is a muscle and greys are tres athletic. However, this goes a bit beyond. The Vet says her life expectancy is considerably shortened, and June has started blood pressure meds. Oh my girl. We are going to have a good time.

Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!

As a child, I LOVED rollercoasters! Riding the Comet at Hershey Park was certainly the highlight of many summers. Now, in an adult body, my stomach rebels...but the light in my children's eyes inspires.

So I've been on a personal rollercoaster....I decided to work on my Bachelor's in Psychology while simultaneously throwing down pre-reqs for a nursing program....and lo and behold...the advisor called and said that there WAS a place for me in Surg Tech. Incredulous. I had already dried my tears over that one and set off with new co-ordinates. There was a new game in town. I had a decision to make....and I hope I have no regrets. Sucking in air, I told the advisor that I was going for a RN. Case closed. It's that scream on the way down....the one where you're scared silly and laughing hysterically at the same time.

Bitten by the past.....

Well, this is a hard one....

After all my A's this past year, I was not accepted into the Surg Tech program after all. Because of two grades I got back in my 20's...a C in English....a C in Statistics, which decimated my GPA to a 3.2, which was not good enough.

I am #5 on the "waiting list", and will still go to the mandatory orientation. Not easy....failure is not easy.

However, when the advisor called and told me, I heard, in my heart, plans await for me. I hate it when I think I know best.

I loved my daughter's comment when she heard. (hand on hip) "AWWW. NOW I HAVE TO TELL MY CLASS THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A COMMUNITY HELPER!" Lol.

Thanks for all your encouragement along the way. Stay tuned...it ain't over yet.

Rescusi-WHO?

You can be relieved to know that I won't be talking about privates in this post. WHEW! These, um, dummies, um, end at the waist, really.
The plastic you see hanging out of their mouths is part of their inflatable lungs...they are the new practice equipment for CPR.

Funny, I just don't feel as compelled to help this droid as I did Annie. Remember resusci-Annie????? I mean for Pete's sake....Android, Android, are you ok? Just doesn't have the same ring...or elicit any concern on my part for this plastic ghoul. I did pass the first aid and CPR for Health Care providers course, with flying colors...but it would have been more poignant with.....

You just can't pick your patients these days.

My friend, Shim.

By all accounts, this dummy looks like a man. A mouth breather, but nice teeth. He hangs out in a hospital bed in the back of our classroom.
So one day, my classmate Jessica and I were practicing vital signs...and of course, we giggle about the pH of pee pee and rectal temperature parameters and other potty medical stuff. So, our curiousity got the best of us...sure, we do NOT practice rectals...but what if we had to do that on the dummy? Does he have....well...ok, a butt hole?
We had to find out.

Quietly we lifted his hospital sheet and then his gown. EEEEEEEEEKKKKK! OMG. He has a VAGINA. Holy toledo. We quickly inform our teacher about our horrifying discovery, and she calmly tells us that yes....he's a SHIM...a she and a him...removable parts. He's just, um, she's just sporting the female thing today.
My friend Jessica has the biggest, bluest eyes and they almost popped out of her head. Well, we both had the best laugh of the week. I mean, WHO KNEW?

Now, poor Shim has his legs removed and his man parts on and is thrown on top of a cupboard, thankfully still in the back of the room. And I continue on, finishing my pre-reqs and waiting for my acceptance letter. What a trip.

Cheating?

Things have changed since going to college in my 20's. Now "gym class" involves measures of your current physical prowess, lectures on nutrition, oxygen intake and output, and being tethered to a pedometer. In other words, it is very comprehensive...and I like it...it's a GUR. But this pedometer bothers me...it has a velcro component that itches my stomach...it taunts me all day long..."how many steps, how many steps"...so hey, you would think this is a GREYT solution.
But not so fast....(heh heh). Before I scheduled an appt. in the confessional box, we discovered that this placement does not work...it doesn't register anything. So, no cheating...silly rabbit!

Waffles as prey

Mice are completely overrated.

A Meme...A meme...alleluia, a meme....

I'm considering myself tagged by Zan of Sirius Sight Hounds, who posted this fun Meme. Consider yourself tagged if you want to participate.

1) Last movie you saw in a theatre? Beverly Hills Chihuahua

2) What book are you reading? The Commanding Heights/req. for Economics class

3) Favorite board game? Monopoly.

4) Favorite magazine? Scientific America for brainy days... In Style for all the others

5) Favorite smells? Fresh ground coffee...my husband's skin...clean sheets...interior of Porsche 911

6) Favorite sounds? Birds chirping...silence

7) Worst feeling in the world? Hopelessness.

8 ) What is the first thing you think when you first wake up? Caw-feeeee.....caw-feeeeee.

9) Favorite fast food place? Lately, Wendy's.

10) Future child’s name? ha ha ha. Lost in Space?

11) Finish this statement—if I had a lot of money I’d hire a chef and a housekeeper...give to charities.
12) Do you drive fast? Sometimes.

13) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Ok, I sleep with a furry square pillow that I got at Home Depot fancy...whatever that place is called

14) Storms–cool or scary? Very cool!!!!

15) What was your first car? A peach colored Ford Maverick, three on the tree.

16) Favorite drink? Fizzy water with lemon or lime.

17) Finish this statement - if I had the time I would make broadcast quality documentaries about greyhounds....I would also write a complete training course for teachers on how to deal with twice exceptional students...I would fly to the beach on every cheap ticket that came up and would build sand castles with Ava.

18 ) Do you eat the stems on broccoli? Used to...hub/fam hates.

19) If you could dye your hair any other color, what would be your choice? I would love to have the color that I was born with.

20) Name all the different cities/towns u have lived in? Silver Spring, MD, NewWindsor, MD, Front Royal, VA, Westminster, MD, Owings Mills, MD, Annandale, VA, Simpsonville, SC, Roswell, GA and Kennesaw, GA. WHEW.

21) Favorite sports to watch? Ice skating/gymnastics

22) One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? I consider myself tagged by Zan...and I love that she calls her son, "Wheels". LOL!

23) What’s under your bed? Cat and dog hair

24) Would you like to be born as yourself again? oh yeah...with knowledge of the previous life.

25) Morning person or night owl? Night owl.

26) Over easy or sunny side up? Scrambled, thanks.

27) Favorite place to relax? Bed

28 ) Favorite pie? Pumpkin

29) Favorite ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate chip or Mayfield's Brown Cow, or Black Raspberry or Coconut chocolate chip...........

Go to town! Take the challenge!

6th picture, 6th folder tag...

Being tagged to post my 6/6...is not only fun, but also encouraged me to clean up my photo folders...

I blogged about this one...June in our garden. She is a HUGE fan of organic gardening, and just LOVES a tomato. And yep, she would only eat the ripe ones.


To be honest, tho' before moving these pictures to a generic "moth" file...these were in the 6th folder...pictures 2 &3 of 3.

For those going to Birmingham, a preview.....

SEGA's annual trip to Birmingham Race Course is coming up this wknd. Just wanted to show you a couple of cuties at their adoption kennel. Now, I know many of you have that empty back seat...just be prepared...these babies can steal your heart!


Heart stealer, professional grade...this is Silsby...a female love machine. Oh! She's wonderful!

This is Mercedes, female...very friendly and just gorgeous, gorgeous!













Here we have the beautiful blue brindle, Bruce...male. (This is the one I was telling you about, Scott)
Oh, last but not least...look at this sad guy! His owner returned him. I hope he's a bit happier when you see him...or maybe he's been adopted....or maybe YOU might adopt him. I think his previous owner returned him as they were being shipped out of the country, military style.

I am feeling more human. Hope you guys like the pics!

NOROVIRUS

No pictures on this post....I value my readership...sure, a cold sore is one thing, but I do have my limits, thank God!

I am layed out....freaked out, exhausted...never been this sick in my life sick. However, I do have enough wits about me to smugly see the positive side of this dark place...my weight loss effort has been realized....but at such a cost. Oy vay.

The message for today is wash your hands. a lot.

Baby got Back...

This is just one of my favorite greyhound things.....

My Mother in Law thought it was great that he was able to "air it out".

Sistah, sistah...

Our June....





June's sister, SP's Hot Chick, aka Coco

What a great road trip! It was very exciting to meet June's sister...but don't cue the music just yet. Ms. Hot Chick was stone cold....a statue....poor thing. Not personable AT ALL. So the warm fuzzies were really just in my heart and not shared. Ah well...some greys are good at just one thing...Coco (her kennel name) is good at RACING...but obviously she has not been briefed on how to handle her admiring public. This was also her first time setting eyes on children...so let's cut her a break!



We learned stories, too. The trainer told us that our June was a "fighter", had to wear a special muzzle with blinders, and got carded twice. (I think that's bad) Not only that, but her brother and sister are also bullies. The last thing the trainer said as he shut the kennel door was, "I'll talk to the owner, but I don't think they'll want her back for breeding because of the fighting." NICE. So see...different kind of music....like that song, "Bad Girls". Beep beep, hah toot toot!

I was a little disappointed...her behavior was in sharp contrast to the very friendly and loving, licking racers at the different kennels throughout Birmingham's track...but it takes all kinds, eh? Meanwhile, just to be safe, I'm checking June's back pocket for brass knuckles and num chucks.

ROAD TRIP!!!!

What a greyt way to start the new year! The fam and I are getting ready to head to Birmingham to meet June's sister, SP's Hot Chick. She is still racing at Grade A, and is housed at the Clear the Way kennel.

I called the racetrack and spoke to the director of racing who put me in contact with her trainer. So, today at 2:30 PM, we will be meeting "CoCo", her kennel name. Definitely easier to say than "Hot Chick"!

All of Canoe's siblings did not make it...so I guess that's why I'm excited about finding a sibling nearby. I hope that I can make a difference in her life when her feet get slower and she's no longer making the big bucks.

Happy New Year everyone!

Cheap Thrills

I love a cheap thrill, yes, it's true. But they're hard to come by....some are just cheap without the thrill. So recently, after skulking around, I saw that this lip balm has just made it to the US. Apparently, women stocked up on this stuff overseas. It is called Labello, or somethin' like that. Big time raves. So the marketing campaign worked and I found some at Walgreens.

I think the hunt is half the fun...I got the last one, which made it even better....but, hmmmm....after product testing, I'm not so sure what the big deal is. Yes, it's nice....but not ga-ga rush to the Walgreens. I'm a Blistex girl, blue tube...and will remain one. The Nivea is made in Germany...so that did have some label snob appeal...all of this back and forth for under $3.00.

Don't worry....school starts on Monday for me and on Tuesday for the kids....hopefully I'll have some better fodder once the routine gets back to normal. Do you have a cheap thrill?